I had an epiphany a few nights ago: I’m a coward.
I’d popped to the shops for some milk and chocolates and, on my way back, there was a group of kids (well, very early twenty-somethings, really) walking behind me. This made me very nervous and led me to feel out of place in the area in which I live. Needless to say, I didn’t enjoy this. However, as always, I tried to see a positive in the experience; here it is…
As I’ve mentioned before, I’m beginning to try to write a book. It’s in the very early stages and even the basic plot, setting and characters are in a very fluid state. However, after realising how much of a coward I am, I began to think about what made me feel like this: the ‘youths‘ (in the strictest Daily Mail sense of the term) in my local area. If I can feel intimidated by the people I live among then how would an ‘outsider’, someone not accustomed to their presence, feel? Further, how would I feel if I had grown up in the area in a time when such ‘youths‘ were much fewer and further between, moved away for a while then moved back to find it the way it is now? Would I feel able to fit in in my own home? Would I feel as safe as I had done or would I feel more vulnerable? Would I want to do something to change the area back to the way I remember it or would I think that I had change?
About halfway down my street (the shop is only at the end of it!) I realised that I wasn’t being followed and that the ‘youths’ had paid no attention to me whatsoever. I felt like a right numpty and remembered that in these situations, I would usually be the one telling someone else that they had nothing to worry about and that the ‘youths‘ were not interested in them unless they did something to attract attention (a bit like bees, really, but less cute and fluffy; more scabby, boozy and tracksuity (Wow! I just out-Daily-Mail-ed myself!)). I also decided that this would make it into the book, somehow. The ‘hero’ would probably feel much the same way for some reason yet to be determined.
I may be a coward, but I try to make some use of it.